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Choosing
a Sponsor Once people get into the habit of going to meetings, they will soon meet a person they may consider asking to be their sponsor. The newcomer needs to ask that person: "Will you be my sponsor?" It is just that simple. "Suppose they say no?" the newcomer might ask. Usually, 12-Steppers say, "yes!" It is an honor to be asked. Still, valid reasons exist to say, "no"; there is a possibility the person already sponsors all the people he or she can effectively deal with; the person also may not have enough time in the program; or the person may even need to check with his or her sponsor first before committing to sponsorship. So, if a potential sponsor says "No," the newcomer is encouraged to ask someone else. It is all a part of the recovery process; learning how to deal with rejection and not letting that stop you from reaching out for help. If one person says "No" it just means that there is someone else just waiting to say "Yes." SHOULD A PERSON HAVE MORE THAN ONE SPONSOR? Among 12-Stepper, it is strongly suggested that a newcomer have only one sponsor; this cuts down on the confusion and the tendency to play one sponsor against the other. With more than one sponsor a person tends to give bits and pieces of their history and their feelings to each one; but a single sponsor is told the whole story. It is more of a stretch to have one sponsor. When a person comes into the program, it is time to take off the masks; the more in-depth the sponsor gets to know the new member, the more individualized help the newcomer receives. HOW DOES SOMEONE DEVELOP A RELATIONSHIP WITH A SPONSOR? A relationship usually begins with the telephone, one of the most valuable tools of recovery. Even if the new member is unsure of what to say, it’s strongly suggested to call and just say "Hello." The sponsor will usually take it from there and initiate a conversation. Sponsors are familiar with the difficulty the newcomer finds in making these calls; they know because, remember, they were newcomers at one time themselves. The newcomer just has to have the willingness to initiate the call. The newcomer will find it gets easier as he or she matures in the program. In time, a new and positive habit, talking things over with a sponsor, is developed. It is good to meet the sponsor at a meeting; this allows time to talk before and after the meeting, which is both, convenient and a comfort. Many people opt to go to for coffee or tea with their sponsors after the meeting. © 1999, Stanice Anderson, Excerpt from 12-Step Programs: A Resource Guide for Helping Professional by Stanice Anderson, Learning Publications, Inc. |